How to embroider a kookaburra.
Step 1
Admire the packaging. You didn’t go through a whole zero waste phase for nothing. The Australiana-themed Salvos wrapping paper has a likeness to the gift itself: a kookaburra embroidery kit from Stitched Up Kits. It’s charming. It’s intimidating. The last embroidery you did was the name “Mr Bungle” stitched into a t-shirt when you were 15. Decades ago.
Step 2
Put the box in a place where you’ll remember it.
Step 3
Forget all about it for four weeks. Only when your in-laws visit do you tidy up and find the kookaburra waiting under the clutter.
Step 4
Experience a heatwave from your air-conditioned home. It’s 40 degrees outside (that’s 104 for my American friends) and you didn’t make social plans. It’s a long weekend. If you waste this day, you still have two more. That’s just basic math.
Step 5
Put a record on. Your mother-in-law gave you Patsy Cline’s “She’s got you”. Choose that one. Take the record out of its sleeve. Place it on the player. Drop the needle. Look at the note written for you: ‘No record collection would be complete without Patsy’. The first bars melt like butter. She was right. Let’s embroider…
Step 6
Look at the instructions. There’s three stitches: backstitch, satin, and long/short. Memories of your mum teaching you basket weave come flooding back. She always seems at her best when she’s working on a sewing project.
Step 7
Put the fabric (and helpful guide) into the embroidering hook. Pull the fabric. Tighten the screw. Hold it up like a work of art.
Step 8
Pick up the needle threader. Put the thread in. Awkwardly push it through the needle. Wrong way. Abort. Restart. Poke the threader into the eye of the needle. Put the thread in. Pull. Success! The needle is threaded with a thick strand of cotton. Bask in this achievement.
Step 9
Start embroidering. Quickly realise that you’re invested in every stitch. Every detail. The top of the beak is a satin stitch. The branch is long/short stitch. It’s easier than you first thought. Stop. Flip the record. Stretch. Continue.
Step 10
Embroider. Stop. Flip the record. Embroider. Stop. Change the record. Fiona Apple’s ‘When the pawn…’. Then Beyonce’s ‘Lemonade’. Your grandmother used to embroider and listen to records too.
Step 11
Get cocky. You’re doing well. You’ve been listening to strong women sing about hard things. You can f**king embroider! Can you watch a movie and stitch at the same time? Yes! Stop the Beyonce record. Put her ‘Homecoming’ film on the TV instead.
Step 12:
Stab yourself with the needle. Right in the thumb. Mistakes are how we refine. You can’t look at two places at once. Stop stitching if you’re looking at the TV. Concentrate. Get a tissue. There’s more blood than you expected.
Step 13
Repeat step 12 a couple more times before you finish your kookaburra. Add some extra shading and fine details that no one (but you) will notice. Hold it up. Bask in its glory. For tens of thousands of years, women have woven for survival and creative expression. Now bask in your own glory. You’re a weaver now. You and all the other women who made you who you are today. Birds making birds.
